If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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