Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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