Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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