What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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