I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
