She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
