Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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