I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
