Non-Jews are for practice
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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