somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
