just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
