Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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