My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
