someone threw a dead crab at me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
