Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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