I just saw a hot homeless man
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
