yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
