i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
