Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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