fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
