just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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