I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
