And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
