pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
