do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
