Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
