i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
