Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
