We named our party play list daddy issues
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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