trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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