i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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