oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Mom said you looked used
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
