I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
