I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
