You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
