Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
