Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
