It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
