you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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