Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
