i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
