Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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