her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
