In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
