All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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