do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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