arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
