DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Life is so much better after having sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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