Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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