no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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