I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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